CREATION SCIENCE BUST

Perversions of Creation Science!
How the Biblical quest to find angel DNA in humans led one Creation Scientist into the heart of madness.


Freehold, Iowa - There is a growing concern in the Creation Science community in regard to the accountability of our colleagues. Some, who receive federal grants to conduct Creation Science experiments and research from their secluded laboratories, are getting unacceptable results. When these well-intentioned doctors work without any supervision other than the company of an invisible bird we call, the Holy Spirit and pair of protective goggles, oftentimes their experiments in rational Bible-based science produce dangerous and catastrophic consequences (as seen in the picture on your right).


On a recent visit to the Greenbaulm Creation Science Laboratory, located in the remote mountainous lake region of the Saskatchewan Territory, Chairman of the Landover Baptist Center for Creation Research, Dr. Jonathan Edwards, made a startling discovery. "I was asked by Pastor Deacon Fred to pay a visit to Dr. Harold Greenbalm, who happened to be a colleague of mine from Bob Jones University (Biblical Biology Department)," said Edwards. "He hadn't been heard from in over two-years. The last anyone could remember was that he received a small grant from the Southern Baptist Convention, in addition to tax-payers dollars to conduct controversial Creation research at a secure location somewhere in godless Canada. It wasn't until Pastor Deacon Fred received a distressing call in the early morning hours from a very drunk telephone evangelist, Dr. J.R. Grooms, that Dr. Greenbalm's location was ultimately revealed."


Within days, Dr. Edwards arrived at the remote Pine House Lake by chartered amphibious aircraft. The Greenbaulm Creation Science Laboratory was located in what used to be the Central Canadian Mental Asylum for the Incurably Insane. The asylum was abandoned in 1902 in the sad recognition that there weren't enough bricks to build asylums to house all the crazies in Canada, but it's halls still echoed with ghastly reminders of the atrocities committed there. The shaded rooms still rung with the blood-curdling voices of long-since-dead patients muttering out unspeakable blasphemies. Dr. Edwards was never one to be shocked by Scripture, but when he read the Bible verse splashed against the entrance hall in human blood it sent a powerful shiver down his spine to the nape of his buttocks, causing his anus to impulsively expand and contract like the lips of a little red fish out of water desperately gasping for life.

"The sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown." -Genesis 6: 2,4

Edwards knew right away what Dr. Greenbaulm was up to. "I thought it was just a phase that had passed when Harold finally graduated Bob Jones University," said Dr. Edwards. "I remember he nearly blew up the Creation Science Lab in the Billy Sunday building, and how several of our female classmates were hospitalized with first degree burns around their private areas while he conducted experiments on burning bushes. It was his dream to prove those things could talk. Liberals used to joke that he was a Mad Creation Scientist."


Apparently Dr. Greenbaulm's passion for using experiments in Creation Science to gather physical evidence to support the most difficult verses in the Bible had turned diabolical when left unchecked over the years. Edwards found that the doctor was conducting experiments on human subjects, trying to extract the remnants of Angel DNA from their shoulder bones with nothing more than a hack saw and a pair of tweezers. The entire complex was littered with human corpses.


Edwards immediately phoned the Landover Baptist Police Department, which arrived the next day and flew Dr. Greenbaulm in restraints to Freehold, Iowa. In Freehold, the cradle of American Bible-based thinking, his misdirected genius could be better served by using state of the art equipment and the guidance and Godly accountability of Dr. Edwards and his staff of qualified Creation Scientists.


The Landover Baptist Center for Creation Research reports that under their supervision, Dr. Greenbaulm's experiments on unsaved human subjects (most of which are comprised of localNative American Injuns whose cooperation is often secured with little more than a tin cup full of lighter fluid) have drastically reduced the patient fatality rates recorded when the Doctor was conducting his research in isolation. And since Injuns are irritants to most people they know, it is a very rare event indeed when anyone takes the trouble to file a missing persons report with intrusive authorities.


Pastor Deacon Fred told the enthralled congregation during Sunday services: "Greenbaulm's important research will continue to receive funding here at Landover Baptist and through through the dollars of hard-working U.S. taxpayers until we can find or create physical proof that giants with the Lord's DNA are buried all over this planet. Otherwise, the Bible is nothing but a collection of crazy stories – and we know that just is not so. Especially after Walter Jenkins showed last year that a human could live inside a whale for three days. Unfortunately, he stayed in there for three days and eleven minutes and was dead when we pulled him out. Now, a lot of folks think that Jesus was the only Son of God. But Genesis teaches us that the Lord had a lot of prototype Sons of God running around the world at one time. Scripture tells us that they impregnated attractive little human ladies, who underwent the excruciating pain of delivering giants from their enormously extended wombs.* Friends, if we can find proof that Genesis Chapter 6 is literally true, I want to be the very first to wag those enormous giant bones in the smug little faces of misguided liberal scientists who think the Bible is nothing more than a load of Mother Goose hooey. What a glorious day that will be! Praise God. And with your generous contribution, it will all be possible. Glory!"

*Landover Baptist is not from the school of thought that giants who were born to women who mated with angels were actually the "dinosaurs." This theory was made popular in the late 19th Century by the Methodists. We believe that a woman's uterus, no matter how flexible, could never accommodate the size of a Brontosaurus.
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Ambitions in check on global climate deal

Ambitions in check on global climate deal

With just weeks to go before UN talks on climate change open in South Africa, negotiators have shifted their goal from striking a historic deal to ensuring that the global system survives.

Participants have long billed the conference opening on November 28 in Durban as a last chance to find a way forward on fighting climate change, with the Kyoto Protocol's commitments to cutcarbon emissions expiring after 2012.

Officials from key nations reported progress in preparatory talks that closed Friday in Panama City -- not in resolving the most knotty issues, but in starting to work out a technical framework for the future.

"Countries are trying pretty hard to scale expectations down to a realistic level for Durban," said Jennifer Haverkamp, the international climate program director at the US-based Environmental Defense Fund.

Haunting the talks is the 2009 summit in Copenhagen, where more than 100 world leaders swept in as public pressure mounted for a sweeping deal but found themselves ready only to take incremental steps.

Politics have also shifted in the United States, the world's largest economy. Proposals to cut carbon emissions nationwide floundered in Congress as President Barack Obama's rivals question the science behind climate change.

US negotiators have pushed vigorously in talks for China, the world's largest emitter, to face binding obligations. But Beijing and other emerging economies have hit back that Washington must make firmer commitments.

"We're probably some years away from the comprehensive, robust agreement that we need as long as the United States comes to these negotiations with empty pockets," Haverkamp said.

Greenpeace climate activist Tove Ryding conceded that governments would not be able produce an ambitious agreement in Durban.

"However, the least they can give us are solid building blocks towards that agreement as well as a timeline and a plan to ensure that we will get that agreement as fast as humanly possible," she said.

UN-led scientists say that carbon emissions must peak by mid-decade to avoid the worst impacts of climate change. As of now, combined national commitments put the planet far away from meeting a goal of checking warming to 2.0 degrees Celsius (3.6 degrees Fahrenheit) above pre-industrial levels.

Mahlet Eyassu, an activist with Forum for Environment-Ethiopia, pointed to this year's drought in her region. The United Nations says that tens of thousands have died from famine, mostly in war-torn Somalia, and millions more are at risk.

"The Horn of Africa has been affected by the worst drought in 60 years. So countries need to be more serious. They need to take urgent actions" on climate change, she said.

Most governments support the preservation of the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change and its rules-based system, even if they disagree strongly over where those rules should apply.

Dessima Williams, a diplomat from Grenada who represents a bloc of small island states that fear rising water levels threaten their very existence, saw some progress in Panama and said it would benefit the international order.

"We must preserve the multilateral rules-based climate regime to limit greenhouse gas emissions to ensure the survival of small island states and the planet," she said.

Many delegates agreed that the Panama talks made headway on finance, with technical details being worked out on a Green Climate Fund that aims to provide $100 billion a year to the most vulnerable countries starting in 2020.

But there was no sign of agreement on emissions cuts after 2012. Only the European Union has offered a new round under the Kyoto Protocol, which only covers wealthy economies and does not require reductions by China.

UN climate chief Christiana Figueres said that one solution would be for some economies to recommit under Kyoto "to uphold the rules-based system," with other nations making pledges that are "rigorous" but outside the treaty.

"Governments are exploring precisely those middle-ground solutions," she said. "That is going to be the crux of Durban." SOURCE:

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The Bible Doesn't Mention Any "Ice Age," So SHUT UP ABOUT IT!

FREEHOLD, IOWA - After only 2-minutes into Disney's film, "Ice Age," its clear that the intent of the feature is not to entertain young viewers, but to indoctrinate them with "scientific theories." These theories (secular lies) are already being placed into our children's poor little heads each day they attend public school and are taught by lisping, homosexual, home-room teachers who spit AIDS and secular lies onto their clean white faces. Apparently, liberal scholars and most scientists now agree that a so called "ice age" was caused by an avalanche set off by a mutated (secular word for "demon-shaped") squirrel with buck teeth looking for acorns. Would you believe that unsaved people are buying into this outrageous garbage!

If scientists would stop spending 8-hours a day talking to monkeys and crack open the Holy Bible, they would be in for a rude awakening! The fact is, friends, there is no mention of "ice" in the Bible and the only mention of "age" refers to people who lived to be 900 years old. And if they lived that long, they most certainly would have remembered a so-called "ice age" and have wrote something down about it. Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards explains, "The fountains of the great deep broke up after Noah parked his boat mount Ararat. This brought hot water and lava from Hell to the earth's surface right about the same time Noah's son,Ham (the first colored man) and generations of his offspring were cursed to be slaves because Ham got caught staring at his dad's tallywhacker. The debris from Satan's lair probably released water vapour and ashes from the lake of fire into the atmosphere. This possibly blocked out sunlight and cooled the land. Since the Bible doesn't really talk about an Ice Age, it's clear that the secular notions of such an event are based on theory rather than fact. The fact is, that Noah might have seen a few snow flurries, if anything at all, but that's about it."

With today's slick Hollywood special effects, True Christians® are being bombarded with false images of huge mammoth creatures being taken out of the ice and gigantic dinosaur bones being pulled out of canyons. "It's out of control," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "None of this has been proven and the people at the Discovery Channel refuse to let accredited Creation Scientists examine their 'so-called' evidence. Now our innocent Christian children are watching secular history cartoons like 'Ice Age' that fill their little heads with fantasies about talking animals that never existed! Well, friends- the Bible makes it perfectly clear in the book of Genesis, Chapter 1 and Numbers, Chapter 22 that the only animals that can talk are snakes and donkeys."

Most Pastors agree that if Christian parents would take their children out of public schools and invest their money in providing a sound Biblical education at a private Baptist School, it would solve most of the world's problems. "Kids won't even want to watch movies like 'Ice Age,'" says Pastor Deacon Fred. "There are so many more interesting stories in the Bible, and they are ALL true!" In most True Christian® schools, like Dr. Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, in Lynchburg, VA, they monitor, edit, and approve the movies that students are allowed to watch. Liberty University, a Baptist school, receives state funding and accredidation. "They have to teach evolution in their Biology classes in order to get that funding," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "But since I received a degree from that school, I can tell you that they teach it, and then they tell you it's a load of bunk."

For those parents who cannot afford to send their children to a private Christian school, Landover Baptist Educator and mother, Kathy Anne Hargraves, gave some sound advice at an emergency meeting of the Baptist Homeschooling Association. "If you don't know how to answer your child's questions after they see a movie like this, just tell them that Satan is the author of confusion and if they don't stop asking questions, demons are going to jump out from under their beds and bite off their feet," she said. "In most cases it's probably the truth and your child's mind will be put to rest. They're not likely to search for any knowledge outside of the Bible ever again. Shout Glory!" SOURCE:

GlobalWarmingHoax
Refuting the Myth of Man-made Global Warming

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