Showing posts with label parody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parody. Show all posts

Monday, January 2, 2012

Are You Prepared For Ascension in 2012?

This guy has the right idea:


Are You Prepared For Ascension On
 December 21, 2012?
Read this to understand why DNA Activation is so important right now for those who desire to ascend...
Dear Friend,
This could be the most important letter you will read in your entire life. We are living in an incredible time of unprecedented changes, and you need to know how to prepare for the upcoming changes.  Pay close attention, as I will be revealingexactly what you need to know now.
Earth is in the middle of an ascension cycle that only happens once every 25,556 years. As a human being alive on this planet, you have the opportunity to ascend with the Earth and shift into the frequencies of eternal peace, untouchable happiness, unconditional love, and absolute abundance.

Ascension is the scientific process by which we merge all of the frequencies of our Higher Self with our physical body. In doing so, we transform ourselves from carbon to silica based bodies, and eventually into pre-matter liquid light bodies. We are all forgotten Gods and Goddesses, and the opportunity to remember and reclaim our power is upon us now.
Ascension is accomplished via DNA Activation.  In addition to the 2 strands of DNA that you were taught about in biology class, humans have 10 additional etheric strands of DNA. Indigo's have even more. Activating these dormant strands is the key to our evolution. Once fully activated, you are truly limitless.
The benefits of DNA Activation include disease-free immortality, psychic abilities, teleportation, telepathy, telekinesis, unlimited abundance, eternal bliss, and the fulfillment of all desires. 
...just to name a few!
What is happening now is that the particles that make up Earth's auric field are speeding up in pulsation rate. And because we exist as part of the Earth's auric field, the particles that make up our own auric fields must speed up. You must have at least 4 strands of DNA active by December 21, 2012 to make the shift. This is not a matter of a "judgment day"; it is the physics of ascension.

All of the current challenges, intensified weather patterns, major global conflicts,  extreme polarization in politics, are a part of this often difficult process.  On a personal level, as your field speeds up you will have to let go of low vibrating energy blockages or be forced to manifest them into your 3D experience so that you can "walk through your karma."  That can often be a painful process, but is completely avoidable via energy clearing work. 
This is where I come in. My name is Steven Fulop. I was born with my 6th strand of DNA active. That is the one that corresponds with what is commonly referred to as the "Third Eye."  Because of this, I've always had the natural ability to see beyond the ordinary 3D reality. This ability was a bit sloppy at first but I honed it over time.
The truth, I discovered, is that we live in a 15-dimensional time matrix. Due to various energetic imprints and seals, most people only have access to the first three levels of their multi-dimensional anatomy. These are the physical, emotional, and mental levels. In addition to being cut-off from dimensions 4-15,  almost everyone has plenty of distortions on the three base levels.  These energetic distortions manifest as mental and emotional problems and physical dis-ease. Our experienced realties are manifest by Source-energy passing through our energetic fields. Any distortion in your field, if not cleared, will eventually show up in your experience.
By studying advanced spiritual and scientific texts and doing intensive training with the top energy healers in the world, I developed my natural skills to remarkable levels. I now have access to all 15-levels of our multi-dimensional anatomy. I can Remote View anyone's energy field and also Remote Influence it. I have cultivated the abilities to heal any blockage permanently, activate the dormant DNA strands, and reset the DNA template back to its original divine blueprint.
My focus is on removing the energetic obstacles to ascension and activating your DNA to the highest level that you are able to handle at this time.

In addition to being prepared for ascension, you will experience immediate benefits. Old emotional baggage that you may have been carrying around for lifetimes will be finally cleared out for good, and you will be able to step into your authentic self. You'll start transitioning to a much greater experience of love, peace, joy and abundance. Your 3D experience will reflect your inner changes by attracting to you a higher frequency grid of people, places, and opportunities.
The DNA Activation Process
The basic process is 5 sessions and begins with an Auric Clearing. The Auric Clearing must be done first to remove the highest priority energetic blockages in your Aura (the electro-magnetic field that surrounds your body).
When the energy flowing through your auric field is unobstructed you are in your optimal state of mind, health, emotional well-being, and spiritual awareness. You experience constant joy, inner peace, radiant health, and ease of functioning when your auric field is balanced.

When the auric field is blocked or fragmented, these blockages can manifest as fear, anxiety, depression, or chronic fatigue. They can even manifest as physical dis-ease and suffering. When viewed clairvoyantly, these blockages are seen as dark spots or holes in the auric field, usually located in one or more the chakras. These represent unresolved issues and stagnated life force energy.

Typically people have many auric attachments that are significantly limiting their potential and life experience. Most people are carrying countless unresolved situations, limited beliefs, negative thoughtforms, etc. from this life and past lives. During Auric Clearing sessions, I identify and remove these blockages on all 15 levels of multi-dimensional awareness.

At the end of each session, I facilitate a download from your Higher Self. You are infused with as much higher frequency as you are now able to handle. 
Types of Auric Attachments That Require Clearing:
  • Occupants - thoughts that believe they own your body.
  • Discarnates - disembodied souls that use you as a host
  • Ids - unconscious identities, fractured soul fragments
  • Negative thought forms
  • Demons - dark soulless entities that possess individuals
  • Portals - slits in your auric field that drain your energy and through which you absorb other people's issues
  • Wormholes - parasitical drains that siphon energy from you. (Usually it is a discarnate draining you through a wormhole)
People report enormous improvements in energy, personal power, clarity, focus, attitude, abundance, and joy following Auric Clearing sessions.
About a week later, after your light body becomes stabilized in it's new energetic structure, the Karma Removal session can be done. The Karma Removal session clears past life karmic issues that are keeping you in a "karmic loop", where the same types of things keep happening to you over and over in life.
Karmic imprints manifest themselves in negative feelings such as guilt, jealously, revenge, unworthiness, victimization, hatred, and anger. These imprints are usually in the form of personas that hijack the individual when triggered. Karmic issues also frequently group together and form Karmic Complexes.
Karmic Imprint Personas That Require Clearing:
  • Absolute Perfectionist   
  • Ultimate Innocent
  • Professional Victim
  • Terrorist
  • Perennial Martyr
  • Emotional Cannibal
  • Compulsive Destroyer
  • Obsessive Projectionist
  • Sorcerer
  • Tyrant
  • Sybarite
  • Warden
Karmic Complexes That Require Clearing:
  • Male-Image complex
  • Female-Image complex
  • Failure-Guilt-Wrath complex
  • Father-God complex

In your Karma Removal session, we will clear these personas and complexes, the emotional baggage associated with them, and cut all karmic cords which no longer serve you. At the end of the session, working with your higher self, I will upgrade you to a much higher vibration where you naturally attract more desirable experiences.

Next is the J-seal removal session. There are 7 unnatural seals located on the left side of the human body. These J-Seals are also known as "death seals", and exist in the physical body due to manipulation of Earth's planetary shields. These seals manifest as degeneration and many physical, mental and emotional problems.
J-Seals That Require Clearing:
  • Seal 1 – Top of the Skull on the Left side
  • Seal 2 – Heart, Left Lung, back Left Knee
  • Seal 3 – Pineal Gland
  • Seal 4 – Left side of Neck and Lymphatics
  • Seal 5 – Rear left Thigh and Buttock
  • Seal 6 – Alta major (where skull rests atop the spine) hypothalamus, and top of left shoulder
  • Seal 7 – Aorta Artery on Left Side of Neck
Activation of the Pineal Gland leads to psychic abilities. Seal 3, located in this gland, blocks its natural activation. Once cleared, psychic abilities naturally begin to develop. 
In addition to these 7 seals, I clear out another seal called the Zeta Seal during this session. This nasty seal blocks the full activation of the 4th DNA strand. The J-seal removal session is done about a week after the Karma Removal.

The initial three sessions prepare you to accrete the amount of light required to activate your DNA. About a week after the J-seal, the 1st DNA Activation can be done. There are at least 2 DNA Activations required to activate as many strands of DNA that your energy body can handle at this point in your evolution. These sessions should also be done about a week apart.
DNA Activation establishes a permanent connection between your physical body and higher self so that you are continuously downloading and embodying the highest frequencies your body can handle. Without DNA Activation, ascension is impossible. 
All of the sessions are energetic in nature and do not require that we have physical or verbal contact during the scheduled appointment time. All that is required of you is that you get into a relaxed state and have the intention of allowing the work to be done. I will get in a deep meditative state and remotely connect to your energy body and perform the clearing. It does not matter if you are half way across the world, as I will be connecting via what quantum physicists call the unified energy field.  
If you'd like to better understand how such things are possible, read The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot. It is based on the work of David Bohm. He is the renowned scientist that Albert Einstein stated was his "intellectual successor."
Most people report feeling the energy shifts during their session. How intensely you feel it will depend on your energetic sensitivity and how relaxed you are at the time.  Regardless of how strongly you feel the session while it is happening, you will experience an incredible shift in your physical, mental, and emotional bodies during the 5-7 day integration following each session.
 
Each session will last about an hour. It is strongly recommended that you get plenty of water following the sessions as your body is undergoing a massive release of toxins.
Pricing & Scheduling 
Each of the five sessions are $200. Now, for a limited time, I am offering $100 off the entire series if purchased as a package. Therefore, the investment in yourself for all 5 sessions is now only $900.

Click the Online Store tab and select Services -> Energy Healing -> Auric, Karma, J-Seal, 2 DNA (Discount). Once you've ordered, you can then go to the Appointments tab to schedule your sessions and you will receive an auto-email with the pre-session information. The times on the scheduler are New York time (EST).


Namaste,
Steve Fulop

Ps. If you are "on the fence" about DNA Activation,  email me atSteve@stairwaytonow.com and we can schedule a free phone consultation. Serious inquiries only. 

  
Client Feedback

"My name is Anya Castellano, I am a certified Kundalini yoga teacher. I had the pleasure of working with Steven Fulop. I do feel energy and found a shift for the better through each session that Steven worked on me. I noticed that I felt clearer and more open. I also noticed how others reacted differently to me, I found people were more attracted to my energy both in my work and socially. I highly recommend working with Steven; he is trustworthy, intuitive and compassionate. All the best on your journey!"

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"Dear Steve,

Thank you again for being a spiritual doula for Arthur and I as we learn to operate more fully from multidimensional understanding. As emotional clearings come and go, I find that my baseline of happiness is rising AND I am attracting higher vibrational experiences as you promised. I happily await the birth of my son and look forward to experiencing more of life as I am connected to my inner Self.

Sincerely,
Katie H."
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"I would like to preface this review by saying my experience with Steve and his energy healing process has been one of the most enjoyable and helpful experiences in my path toward living my full potential in the last several years. I originally came across Steve's energy healing services and Stairway to Now while browsing online. Never having received energy healing before, I was of course skeptical. I sent Steve several challenging emails asking him about the nature of the experience, how I could know if was working, how this type of work was possible, about his background, what I could expect afterwords, what support I would have, etc. I have to say that Steve was INCREDIBLY responsive and detailed in seeing to it that all of my questions were answered in an honest, professional, and friendly manner that went beyond the call of duty. Steve is clearly a person that is willing to dedicate significant amounts of time toward helping people in their conscious evolutions simply out of his desire to share his gifts and wisdom, beyond any profits involved.

Session by session, I eventually decided to go through all 5 standard healing sessions and watched my life shift as I was going. Granted, I was going through a period of major transition while I was working with Steve (quitting my long-held corporate job), so other healing experiences were occurring simultaneously, but I am highly confident that Steve's services helped me to shift some of my previously ingrained patterns and let go of belief systems that were no longer serving me. This process has led to some of the most amazing days in my life, and is still facilitating what I would call a major breakthrough and shift into living a life of trust, acceptance, abundance, love and passion. I am VERY grateful for getting connected with Steve. He is truly passionate for and dedicated to his work, and is a very capable healing who I'm sure will only improve with time. I would highly recommend his services to any who is dedicated to making a shift in their lives, and who is willing to be OPEN and TRUST.

Thank You!!"
-Nathan Mooney 

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Begin Your Ascension Process Now!


Friday, October 21, 2011

My Imaginary Friend Just Told Me His Name is Jesus!








My Imaginary Friend Just Told Me His Name is Jesus!

In last Sunday's sermon, Pastor Deacon Fred recalled a conversation he had with an unsaved cashier at a Safeway in Des Moines. "This feller was just yapping to himself, and mumbling," said Pastor. "So I asked him, who are you talking to? To which he replied, 'My 2,000 year old invisible flying friend.' I told him, as an adult, he really needed to let go of such childish things. Part of being an adult is living in the real world and not clinging to made-up stories and imaginary friends, no matter how comforting. Then, he happened to mention that his friend was called "Jesus." I told him, "Well, why didn't you say so? That's different kettle of fish entirely, my friend!"

Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwardsgives candid advice to True Christians® who have unsaved family members with invisible or so-called, "imaginary" friends. "When does a friend stop becoming imaginary?" asks Dr. Edwards, "Well, most Christian Psychologists believe it is when your imaginary friend tells you his name is Jesus. And I believe that to be true in almost every case. You see," says Edwards, "when a person finally becomes a True Christian®, all imagination ceases to exist. So if a person is saying that their imaginary friend, just told him or her that its name is Jesus, it is reasonable that the friend is no longer imaginary. To put it in simple terms, their friend is the living Son of God who sits on a throne in Heaven and hears and watches everything that every single person on Earth does, each and every day - and that includes masturbation!"

Christian Psychologists teach us that an unsaved person's mind is very susceptible to imagination. It is only when an unsaved person gets saved that their imagination is replaced with reality. And that reality is the True Christian® reality - that we are living in a world where invisible demons and angels are fighting an unseen, but very real war over human souls. The harvesting of souls for the Devil's consumption and the Lord's delight, we know to be real, because no unsaved person could ever imagine such a thing. It is only when their minds and bodies are transformed by the born again experience that all imagination ceases to exist. What replaces their silly world of mental fiction, transforms a previously distorted view of the world into a vivid and clear reality. That reality includes the resurrection of the dead, the communion of saints, the fellowship of angels, and the everlasting torture of eternal hellfire for all those who never heard about Jesus.

Landover Baptist youth ministers are professionally trained to spot young children with imaginary friends. "We start as early as nursery school," says Youth Pastor, Geoffrey Weaver. "If a child is lucky enough to make it through the Spring Bible Crawl, we're fairly certain it doesn't have demons, but our work on securing the child's salvation is still at the beginning stages." Landover Nursery school teachers encourage young pre-Christians who appear to have imaginary friends, to develop a speaking relationship with their friend. "It's important that we find out if their imaginary friend is Jesus or the Holy Ghost, or a demon, as quickly as possible," notes Weaver. "I don't think we have to explain why. Let's just say it's no fun telling a Christian parent that their 2-year old has just been shipped off in a chicken cage to the Landover Baptist Home for the Demonically Possessed in North Dakota."

At Landover Baptist, our church members are blessed enough to have Pastors who make it a priority to stop imagination long before it becomes dangerous. "That's usually at the age of two, as we understand it," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "I believe the angels in heaven throw a party and the demons in Hell pound the sandy shores of the lake of fire in anger each time a young pre-Christian tells his nursery school teacher, 'My invisible friend just told me his name is Jesus!' And what a joy it is also, to hear the same thing from an unsaved adult on their deathbed, two seconds before they take their last breath." SOURCE:

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Ambitions in check on global climate deal





Ambitions in check on global climate deal


With just weeks to go before UN talks on climate change open in South Africa, negotiators have shifted their goal from striking a historic deal to ensuring that the global system survives.

Participants have long billed the conference opening on November 28 in Durban as a last chance to find a way forward on fighting climate change, with the Kyoto Protocol's commitments to cutcarbon emissions expiring after 2012.

Officials from key nations reported progress in preparatory talks that closed Friday in Panama City -- not in resolving the most knotty issues, but in starting to work out a technical framework for the future.

"Countries are trying pretty hard to scale expectations down to a realistic level for Durban," said Jennifer Haverkamp, the international climate program director at the US-based Environmental Defense Fund.

Haunting the talks is the 2009 summit in Copenhagen, where more than 100 world leaders swept in as public pressure mounted for a sweeping deal but found themselves ready only to take incremental steps.

Politics have also shifted in the United States, the world's largest economy. Proposals to cut carbon emissions nationwide floundered in Congress as President Barack Obama's rivals question the science behind climate change.

US negotiators have pushed vigorously in talks for China, the world's largest emitter, to face binding obligations. But Beijing and other emerging economies have hit back that Washington must make firmer commitments.

"We're probably some years away from the comprehensive, robust agreement that we need as long as the United States comes to these negotiations with empty pockets," Haverkamp said.

Greenpeace climate activist Tove Ryding conceded that governments would not be able produce an ambitious agreement in Durban.

"However, the least they can give us are solid building blocks towards that agreement as well as a timeline and a plan to ensure that we will get that agreement as fast as humanly possible," she said.

UN-led scientists say that carbon emissions must peak by mid-decade to avoid the worst impacts of climate change. As of now, combined national commitments put the planet far away from meeting a goal of checking warming to 2.0 degrees Celsius (3.6 degrees Fahrenheit) above pre-industrial levels.

Mahlet Eyassu, an activist with Forum for Environment-Ethiopia, pointed to this year's drought in her region. The United Nations says that tens of thousands have died from famine, mostly in war-torn Somalia, and millions more are at risk.

"The Horn of Africa has been affected by the worst drought in 60 years. So countries need to be more serious. They need to take urgent actions" on climate change, she said.

Most governments support the preservation of the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change and its rules-based system, even if they disagree strongly over where those rules should apply.

Dessima Williams, a diplomat from Grenada who represents a bloc of small island states that fear rising water levels threaten their very existence, saw some progress in Panama and said it would benefit the international order.

"We must preserve the multilateral rules-based climate regime to limit greenhouse gas emissions to ensure the survival of small island states and the planet," she said.

Many delegates agreed that the Panama talks made headway on finance, with technical details being worked out on a Green Climate Fund that aims to provide $100 billion a year to the most vulnerable countries starting in 2020.

But there was no sign of agreement on emissions cuts after 2012. Only the European Union has offered a new round under the Kyoto Protocol, which only covers wealthy economies and does not require reductions by China.

UN climate chief Christiana Figueres said that one solution would be for some economies to recommit under Kyoto "to uphold the rules-based system," with other nations making pledges that are "rigorous" but outside the treaty.

"Governments are exploring precisely those middle-ground solutions," she said. "That is going to be the crux of Durban." SOURCE:


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The Bible Doesn't Mention Any "Ice Age," So SHUT UP ABOUT IT!

FREEHOLD, IOWA - After only 2-minutes into Disney's film, "Ice Age," its clear that the intent of the feature is not to entertain young viewers, but to indoctrinate them with "scientific theories." These theories (secular lies) are already being placed into our children's poor little heads each day they attend public school and are taught by lisping, homosexual, home-room teachers who spit AIDS and secular lies onto their clean white faces. Apparently, liberal scholars and most scientists now agree that a so called "ice age" was caused by an avalanche set off by a mutated (secular word for "demon-shaped") squirrel with buck teeth looking for acorns. Would you believe that unsaved people are buying into this outrageous garbage!

If scientists would stop spending 8-hours a day talking to monkeys and crack open the Holy Bible, they would be in for a rude awakening! The fact is, friends, there is no mention of "ice" in the Bible and the only mention of "age" refers to people who lived to be 900 years old. And if they lived that long, they most certainly would have remembered a so-called "ice age" and have wrote something down about it. Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards explains, "The fountains of the great deep broke up after Noah parked his boat mount Ararat. This brought hot water and lava from Hell to the earth's surface right about the same time Noah's son,Ham (the first colored man) and generations of his offspring were cursed to be slaves because Ham got caught staring at his dad's tallywhacker. The debris from Satan's lair probably released water vapour and ashes from the lake of fire into the atmosphere. This possibly blocked out sunlight and cooled the land. Since the Bible doesn't really talk about an Ice Age, it's clear that the secular notions of such an event are based on theory rather than fact. The fact is, that Noah might have seen a few snow flurries, if anything at all, but that's about it."

With today's slick Hollywood special effects, True Christians® are being bombarded with false images of huge mammoth creatures being taken out of the ice and gigantic dinosaur bones being pulled out of canyons. "It's out of control," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "None of this has been proven and the people at the Discovery Channel refuse to let accredited Creation Scientists examine their 'so-called' evidence. Now our innocent Christian children are watching secular history cartoons like 'Ice Age' that fill their little heads with fantasies about talking animals that never existed! Well, friends- the Bible makes it perfectly clear in the book of Genesis, Chapter 1 and Numbers, Chapter 22 that the only animals that can talk are snakes and donkeys."

Most Pastors agree that if Christian parents would take their children out of public schools and invest their money in providing a sound Biblical education at a private Baptist School, it would solve most of the world's problems. "Kids won't even want to watch movies like 'Ice Age,'" says Pastor Deacon Fred. "There are so many more interesting stories in the Bible, and they are ALL true!" In most True Christian® schools, like Dr. Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, in Lynchburg, VA, they monitor, edit, and approve the movies that students are allowed to watch. Liberty University, a Baptist school, receives state funding and accredidation. "They have to teach evolution in their Biology classes in order to get that funding," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "But since I received a degree from that school, I can tell you that they teach it, and then they tell you it's a load of bunk."

For those parents who cannot afford to send their children to a private Christian school, Landover Baptist Educator and mother, Kathy Anne Hargraves, gave some sound advice at an emergency meeting of the Baptist Homeschooling Association. "If you don't know how to answer your child's questions after they see a movie like this, just tell them that Satan is the author of confusion and if they don't stop asking questions, demons are going to jump out from under their beds and bite off their feet," she said. "In most cases it's probably the truth and your child's mind will be put to rest. They're not likely to search for any knowledge outside of the Bible ever again. Shout Glory!" SOURCE:

GlobalWarmingHoax
Refuting the Myth of Man-made Global Warming

Arguments based on science, news, and common sense. This site is non-partisan and non-religious based. In fact we fight the new faith based religion of global warming. Don't keep arguing the subject, just tell them to go to GlobalWarmingHoax.com!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Women Probably Don't Have Souls!

Women Probably Don't Have Souls!

BIBLE FACT!

Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards, announced findings related to his research into the female soul early this week. "The absence of either salvation or condemnation for women finds extensive support in the Word of God." He reported. "Jesus said that the sole reason God created women in the first place was to provide company and service to men (1 Corinthians 11:9), God determined that men would be lonely living alone, so he created women purely to keep men company and serve their needs (Genesis 2:18-22). Women are therefore completely subordinate to men (1 Corinthians 11:3). It stands to reason, though, that once men enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they will be one with God, and will no longer be lonely and in need of mortal companionship. Thus, the reason behind having women will no longer exist. Women, like the members of the animal kingdom, will fall by the wayside."

Dr. Edwards went on to say that, "once men reunite with their maker, they will no longer be burdened with the care of women. After all, women were inferior creations from the start. Women are fond of self-indulgence (Isaiah 32:9-11). They are silly and easily led into error (2 Timothy 3:6). They are subtle and deceitful (Proverbs 7:10; Ecclesiastes 7:26). They are zealous in promoting superstition and idolatry (Jeremiah 7:18; Ezekiel 13:17, 23). And they are active in instigating to iniquity (Numbers 31:15-16; 1 Kings 21:25; Nehemiah 13:26). It was the inherent weakness of women that led them to be deceived by Satan (Genesis 3:1-6; 2 Corinthians 11:3; 1 Timothy 2:14). Consequently, women were cursed from the start (Genesis 3:16). There is simply no room in heaven for such flawed and inadequate beings."

Pastor Deacon Fred warned the congregation that there was no reason to be alarmed. "Dr. Edwards' Godly and anointed conclusions still need to be formalized by the Board of Deacons," he assured. "I am certain that our team of religious experts will find some way to tippy-toe around these Scriptures."

Some of the women present to hear the report were visibly shaken. A teary eyed Sister Taffy Crockett said through choked sobs, "I've heard of colored women not having souls... but me? NO! This is outrageous!"

Pastor did have some comforting words for the ladies of Landover. "I personally want to assure all female members of this church that until we examine Dr. Edwards' research to our complete satisfaction, consider yourselves saved until further notice."

Source: